Anaconda 3

(Quickly, let me assure anyone who read my myspace blog “Roadhouse 2″ I will not be beating a dead horse.  Although the concept is the same, when I saw that this disaster was made I couldn’t wait to rant about it.)  Recently my brother called to tell me about a jem of a film the Sci-Fi channel had shown.  (Why my brother was watching the late-night shows on the Sci-Fi network is besides the point)  The movie was called “Anaconda 3″ starring none other than David Hasselhoff…aka “The Hoff”  This is the kind of crap that makes me lose faith in cinema.  Who in their right mind would think that anyone gives a sh*t about the 3rd installment of a movie that no one gave a sh*t about to begin with.  Anaconda 1 was horrible, I didn’t even know they made an Anaconda 2, and I am outraged at the concept of the third.  I just wish I could have been in the meeting when they were pitching this idea to the film company.  ”Sir, we have to quickly capitalize on the non-existent fan base of the original two films to complete this trilogy…we have spoken to David Hasselhoff and he said he can find some free time between being a judge on “America’s got talent” (which is f**king worthy of its own rant to begin with) and eating cheeseburgers on his carpet drunk while his daughter films it.”  When I researched the film on I saw that the plot reads as follows: “A mercenary-for-hire accepts a mission from a billionaire to capture a dangerous snake that could possibly help cure a terminal illness.”  Are you F-ing kidding me?  This sounds like the worst idea since Paris Hilton started wearing underwear.  I just can’t imagine that the director ever thought the movie would succeed.  I wonder if these crap/washed up actors know that they are filming cinematic garbage and are strictly there on a cash run…because at least that way they are upfront about it.  So here is the worst part of all…on they report that this disaster was shot back to back with “Anaconda 4 – Trail of Blood.”  I feel like I am taking crazy pills…another one!!!  If Ice Cube was in #1 and the Hoff was in #3, who is going to star in #4?  I hear Mr. Belvedere is free…he hasn’t worked since 1985…wait I am pretty sure he is dead…hell it doesn’t even matter.
Big picture:  Unsubscribe to the Sci-Fi Channel!      - Keel-

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