I hate fantasy football

Before we get to my latest creation, Fantasy Fantasy Football (F3), let me give you some background on why I hate Fantasy Football.
Each year as the summer comes to an end and the leaves begin to change color, Fantasy Football geeks put down their Mountain Dew and hang up their World of Warcraft controllers just in time for kickoff.  Now I am a huge football fan, and I even have some favorite players…every fan should.  However, holding mock drafts where you pretend to acquire athletes who you will then “manage” for the entire season is embarrassing.  Simply because you are like “Uncle Rico” and claim you were once 1 hit/shot/touchdown away from playing college ball doesn’t mean you know anything about being an athlete, let alone pretending to manage them.   Odds are the average guy participating in Fantasy Football is overweight, non-athletic, and couldn’t find the gym if he worked there as the night janitor (and oddly he probably does).   Here is my imitation of what fantasy football is like…2 guys watch a game together (while they eat themselves into certain diabetes) and at the end 1 guy looks over at the other and says “I totally kicked your ass”…and they had no control over anything.  The day you physically run onto the field and tackle LaDainian Tomlinson is the day you can actually feel you had an impact.  A fantasy football nerd is probably the same guy who created NFL Head Coach 09 for Xbox 360, where you don’t even control the players… your video game character just stands on the sidelines and watches the pretend game…kill me now!
Honestly I could rant about this forever, but for my own sanity I will move on to my newest creation Fantasy Fantasy Football (F3).
I found a league of 12 guys who love & play fantasy football, and 11 others and me who hate it.   I then compiled a list containing the 12 names of the guys in the fantasy league and had my 11 buddies and I pick one of them solely by name.  We have no idea who they drafted, nor do we care.  We put money into a pot and at the end of the season the person who selected the guy in the Fantasy Football league that won his fantasy league…wins.  It sounds confusing but it is actually pretty simple.  We are playing 3rd party Fantasy Football through a Fantasy Football player…are odds of winning are the same (1 in 12) and we get to save our dignity and time.  I call it Fantasy Fantasy Football (F3).  It is basically like the Kentucky Derby of Fantasy Football.  We pick a “horse” and hope it wins.  Here is my favorite part…we have just as much control over the outcome of a football game as the guy we selected…zero!!!   At the end of the season one of us will win a ton of cash and didn’t have to care who the Bears defense is playing this week …or whatever lame lingo Fantasy Football uses.
Big Picture:  In the amount of time Fantasy Football geeks waste deciding who you they going to “play” each week, they could go out and meet a girl and not die a virgin.  –Keel

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