Monopoly Sucks

Monopoly is the worst game ever.  I know I am going to make some enemies for saying this but I was recently forced to play a game of it, and now being older and more financially sound I have realized how crappy the concept truly is.  As kids we loved it…that is because we had no idea what the hell we were doing.  Think about it for a second…the concept is to drive around all day whether it be on horse back, in a classic car, on a giant thimble, or in a dirty old boot and buy as much sh*t as you can.  You win when you have made all of your friends go bankrupt due to you overcharging them in their rent or sending them to jail.  What the F**k?
I am pretty sure that a real estate agent is the mastermind of the game because no matter how many hotels or houses you build in the ghetto (the purple and little blue properties) you don’t make a damn thing in rent when someone by the good grace of God actually lands on your property.  In the game we pride ourselves on owning BOARDWALK…the only waterfront property on the damn board.  Sadly no one ever lands on your square after you basically forced yourself into bankruptcy trying to do as the game wants and build overpriced houses.
And then there is the Community Chest and Chance cards…were you are given ridiculous sh*t like money for having kids, and get out of jail free cards.  Here is the deal people…your player only makes 200 dollars every time he navigates his ass all the way around the board, and he loses a lot of that cash along the way paying rent for places he didn’t want to visit in the first place.  There is not even an option to do the financially sound thing and save your money.  You are still forced to travel around neighborhoods you can’t afford to live in dragging your big ass iron, or wheel barrow with you.
Monopoly is so sad that by the end of the game people actually prefer sometimes to stay in jail rather than face the harsh realities of the world outside that is waiting for them.  Check this out…I almost died when I heard the latest update.  They are making a new version of Monopoly with ATM cards and not paper money!  Are you f**king kidding me?  At least the crap game helped kids learn to count, now kids are going to be like Mommy and Daddy and use their credit card to buy everything.  That is a horrible idea…Little Billy will love it, but skip ahead 15 years and he will be in college with 4 maxed out credit cards that he can’t pay off.  When all along he was being told to buy everything in sight, don’t save a dime, and if sh*t his the fan and you either end up in jail or poor…file bankruptcy and you get to start over.
Big Picture:  Invest your money wisely, and next time you are in the board game isle at Target…buy Yahtzee instead.


  1. You really did a great job explaining the overall shittyness of Monopoly. I hate that goddamn game because it’s a game for morons. There is almost no skill involved to win the game, because it’s a game of chance. Most of your actions are determined by whatever the dice rolls.

    And that’s why games like Yahtzee suck too. Games of chance.

    Bahhh… I prefer video games.

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